In 2013, I went through a season of depression where I almost took my life. I never knew darkness could be so dark. Before depression, I was a different person. I used to be fun and lighthearted. When I withdrew with depression, it’s like I made a subconscious choice to withdraw from life. So much was deadened inside of me during that season, and stayed that way for over three years.
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In November 2016, something shifted. I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere along the seamlessly never-ending fight to find the old version of myself, I woke up. Depression may have changed me, but I serve a God who raises dead things to life (Ezekiel 37).
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Before depression, I had started a nonprofit called Hope For The Broken. The goal was to help people in general, but after battling through what I did, it was clear that I needed to focus on helping people fight depression and suicide. I visualize myself as a warrior going into battle. The enemy wants me to give up, to live a normal life, but I can’t. He messed with the wrong person. I have fought for every inch back of the territory that was stolen from me, and I’m collecting interest.
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I am angry with the enemy for the fight I have been through. I am angry with the enemy for convincing my good friend, Kyle, that his life wasn’t worth living. I am angry with the enemy for the 24 high school students who have taken their lives in the past year in Colorado Springs. I am angry that darkness has been given a platform over the Light.
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You were created in God’s image. Your cells carry purpose. The enemy wants to consume you in darkness, but hope is part of who you are. No matter how overwhelming darkness may be, put one foot in front of the other. If you have to start by crawling, do it. Remember, you don’t have to be strong; He (Jesus) is strong.
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In this photo, Jeremy was able to capture the version of me that has battled the darkness. It started with a crawl, but I stand here today, a warrior: resolute, focused, strong, and unafraid.
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To the enemy…
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I know who you are. I know your game. You’re done making darkness look stronger than the Light. I’m coming for you.